Is this my life?!?!?!?!

While starting my morning chores, I started thinking so I had to come to my BLOG and type my thoughts. In my head they sounded great but not sure how they will come out as I type.

OK here I go.....Is this my life or am I just dreaming? I mean have I become something I never wanted to be? Am I really a married mother of three who drives the SUV to soccer practice on Saturday and strives to be the PTA President? Am I "THAT" mom who pushes her children to much? Am I trying to be something I am not? Do I wish that I had something else than what I have? I want a clean house, I want well mannered and respectable children. I want to have dinner at the kitchen table instead of in front of the T.V. I want to make well balanced and healthy meals for my family. I want a marriage with no trouble. I want to have a savings account that has "rainy day" money. I want to fit in!

I don't know if I am going thru some baby blues or stress for having two infants. I don't know which way I am coming or going. I don't know what we are having for dinner tonight let alone what I am going to eat for lunch. I think about the arguments that I have with my husband, with my family and think WHY? Did I need to say the words that hurt them so much. Clint and I have joined a church that we really like. One thing that I have really worked on is my relationship with God. I want my kids to experience church and all the wonderful things that a relationship with God has to offer. I want to take them to Bible School in the summer and for them to enjoy it as much as I did as a child. Sometimes I just want to go back to those days. I think maybe 7, that was a good age. I want to be able to give my kids everything they need and want. I want to have the day planner with sports games and school activities on it. Am I wanting to much? Am I trying to push to hard?

I want a great relationship with my husband. I want "us" back. I want to stop the fighting and nit picking. I want make him proud. I want him to have a wife that he can say great things about and not wonder why he married me. I want to get up and pack him a lunch and give him the kiss good bye. I want to have dinner ready for him and for him to want to eat it. I would love for him to stop sleeping on the couch because that is the only place he can get some rest. I want us to do things together again. I want him to love me the way he used to.

Maybe I am seeing things all wrong. Maybe I am doing a good job with my family. Maybe my family is happy with the way things are. Maybe everything is OK. Maybe I am just emotional. Maybe I am overreacting to things. Maybe I should just take a nap.